Sex, Married Women, and Other Trivia
Married Women And Sex
One-third of the women in one survey reported a lack of interest or pleasure in sex. One woman in five had engaged in an extramarital affair. One in four had been involved in two to five affairs. More than three quarters of the married women say that wives should not have affairs. The same percentage were opposed to husbands having affairs.
When wives start earning more money, the resulting increase in their self-esteem heightens their appreciation of sex. Difficulty: The sexual relationship deteriorates as the wife becomes less financially dependent on her husband.
Good news: While frequency of intercourse may diminish, satisfaction is often higher among working wives.
Female sexual peak: Women don’t all reach their sexual peak at about age 35, as is commonly believed. Fact: The peak varied with the woman. Some experience the greatest sexual rush in the blush of womanhood, from 18 to 25. Others build slowly toward their peak. Sometimes this crescendo extends 25 years past menopause. Variable factors: The state of the woman’s health, the amount of leisure time, the desire to retain romance.
Male stripping: Shows for women are an increasingly common phenomenon, particularly in suburbia. Who attends: Women in their 30s and 40s predominate. Major attraction: Like traditional male-oriented burlesque, the shows offer a chance to laugh, relax, react without self-censorship. Clubs generally discourage men from attending. (The clubs want to provide an environment in which the women feel safe.) Another factor: A sense of power sitting back and watching men perform.
Sexual Hang-ups Of Normal Couples
When it comes to sex, there is no such thing as a normal couple. Many who have never felt the need to seek therapy still have hang-ups. And women report more problems than men.
Problems reported by most women:
Difficulty in becoming sexually excited (48% cite this factor).
Trouble reaching orgasm (46%).
Too little foreplay before intercourse (38 %).
Problems cited by men:
Ejaculating too quickly (37%).
Attraction to women other than mate (21 %).
Too little foreplay before intercourse (21 %).
Sensitivity: When asked to guess their spouses’ problems, the wives detailed the husbands’ complaints accurately. The husbands, however, had difficulty guessing the troubles their wives were experiencing.
The couples who report the most problems engage in sex less often.
Sexual Decline After Marriage
Diminishing sexual desire after marriage has been traced to a variety of causes. Prime reasons for this condition:
Wives start to remind husbands of their mothers.
Husbands begin to remind women of their fathers.
Men think of “good” women (their wives) as being “above” sex.
Women lose interest in sex after giving birth to their children.
Men and women believe it is normal that they should lose interest in sex as they get older.
In addition: Sex suffers as the rest of the relationship falls apart because of tension, battling, or indifference. It’s neither a new nor an isolated problem.
Treatment of a decreased desire for sex depends on the cause. Marital and psychological therapy are frequently tried. Sometimes specific sexual exercises are recommended in conjunction with other treatments.
Doctors feel that chances of a cure have improved notably in recent years, if the subjects are sufficiently motivated. Lack of attraction based on reality (one mate is obese or one is in love with someone else) is hard to deal with.
As many as 7% of all married couples have never experienced sexual intercourse. Reasons: Overattachment to family (either parents or, in second marriages, children); strict backgrounds that fostered the notion that sex is sinful or bad; physical problems, particularly impotence.
Encouraging: Professional counseling has proved effective for two-thirds of the couples treated.